Soul Surgery

“If you continue in my word, then are you my disciples indeed; And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” John 8:31 – 32


I do have moments. Most of these moments that I wish for no one to know about. Moments that can make me literally stagger. Moments that are indescribably difficult. Numbing and impossible to anticipate. Some are exceedingly difficult to process, but yet I must and I do. My soul is being waterboarded, but I will not, can not give it what it wants. It wants a way out. It wants to run, to distract, to avoid, to hide, to bury itself in any kind of activity or distraction.

But God wants to heal my wounded soul and He invites my participation in the process. It makes things far easier when the patient getting operated on isn’t trying to get off the operating table. Know what I mean? Admittedly, this is more difficult than I could have ever imagined. The surgery is progressing nicely, but now the anesthetic is well worn off. Pain I didn’t anticipate from places I didn’t know I had, erupts at times and places I would rather it didn’t.

The Surgeon, however, is not concerned that the anesthetic has worn off. It’s like He planned it this way. I can literally see Him smiling at me, holding me to the table with just the love in His eyes. It’s a trust thing. I can get off the table and postpone the surgery, but more than I want out of pain, I want my destiny! I want to move into the Third Act of my life with strength and force. I have one life to live and I wish to live it well and I wish to live it now. I will not waste this precious gift of life He has given me by remaining a walking wounded. So here I lay on the operating table, fixing my eyes on Jesus, submitting to the process… a process I don’t understand, down a path I have never traveled.

But I choose to trust…